Originally Posted by MelodyLane
See, I don't see this as a demand at all. I see it is a complaint coupled with a truthful statement.

The very definition of "ultimatum" is a demand, "one whose rejection will end negotiations and cause a resort to force or other direct action."

She may give in and do what he wants, but she will likely feel forced and resentful. She will feel threatened.

Dr. Harley's articles seem to suggest the Plan A/Plan B approach.

If a spouse is prepared to leave the marriage if the other refuses to meet his needs, shouldn't that be conveyed?

Doesn't a spouse usually do that when they enter into Plan B?

In my case, if my XH had told me he was leaving over this, I would have taken it much more seriously. Are you saying the alternative is to give her an opportunity to meet the need and then just LEAVE when she doesn't do it?

In my case, though, when Markos did do this to me, I just went further into withdraw.

I am not saying to not let her know that there is an unmet need here. He should be honest that he needs SF, and he's hurting. But I don't believe he is going to do any good by making an ultimatum. I believe she will see him as demanding and threatening, and he will only drive Grace further away.

I think he should only make such an ultimatum if he has the explicit permission of Dr. Harley to do so smile I think it's a very risky move.

So, are you saying he should not TELL HER honestly he is not willing to stay in the marriage under those conditions? Because I wouldn't agree with that.

No, he should not tell her that unless he is going into Plan B today. She's familar with MB. She knows she's draining his lovebank. She knows unconditional love is a myth. She knows he's falling out of love with her because of this. She knows she's killing her marriage. She knows it is her responsiblity to take care of his EN.

It would be interesting to get Dr. Harley's take on this.

I can sort of see where you're coming from. It just looks very risky to me.

Markos' Wife
8 kids ...
What to do with an Angry Husband