Those are good, well thought out points, Prisca, and I do see your perspective. The basic problem I see here is that she has illusions of unconditional love. She really does believe that he will stay in this marriage with her even though she refuses to meet his needs. That belief is what leads to false expectations of entitlement and has led to her neglect of him.

Originally Posted By: Dr Harley

So if theres no religious reason to give or receive unconditional love in marriage, were left with practical reasons. And I know of none. If Joyce were to tell me that she loves me unconditionally, and were to mean by that that shell meet my emotional needs regardless of how I treat her, I wouldnt be very motivated to treat her with utmost care. I could get away with anything, knowing that shed be there to pick up the pieces. There are many that I counsel that expect to be cared for unconditionally after an affair, abuse, and even attempted murder. After all, it was promised at the time of their wedding.

My job as a marriage counselor is to encourage both spouses to meet each others emotional needs, and avoid hurting each other. When they follow my advice, they fall in love and stay in love. But one spouse cant do the job alone. They must work together to build a successful marriage. Neither should promise unconditional love because a great marriage is a joint effort with many conditions.
Whats Wrong with Unconditional Love?

Which leads to the suggestions in When To Call it Quits. Obviously she knows SF is his top need, and obviously she refuses to meet that need so that is where he should go next, IMO.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101