I thought we were discussing, not arguing. I was trying to talk together in a respectful way, but from your reaction I think I must've somehow fallen short. I am not saying that you have an electric fence personality. I think that thought pattern you described, "well now he's just making demands so I'm not going to negotiate for now" sounded to me like Zap! Electric Fence! But what do I know? When I said you can choose your attitude all I mean is that even when a spouse comes off wrong you can still choose Buyer mode and keep negotiating.

But I don't know if any of these patterns are familiar to Hill or not. Hill, how is the negotiating steps thing going for you two? Do you have the safe environment established? Are you on to the next steps?

Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010