Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by Prisca
[I don't usually disagree with you, Melody, but this one hit a nerve. Markos has said similar things to me. It is a demand and a threat -- it comes across as "I don't want this marriage unless you give me what I want. Meet my needs, or I'm leaving you."


See, I don't see this as a demand at all. I see it is a complaint coupled with a truthful statement. If a spouse is prepared to leave the marriage if the other refuses to meet his needs, shouldn't that be conveyed? In my case, if my XH had told me he was leaving over this, I would have taken it much more seriously. Are you saying the alternative is to give her an opportunity to meet the need and then just LEAVE when she doesn't do it?

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I don't think Hilltopper is in any position to tell her this. Ultimatums are a LB, no matter how you word them.

I don't see how it is a lovebuster. An ultimatum is a stated condition whose rejection will result in a direct action, in this case, the very possible end of the marriage.

So, are you saying he should not TELL HER honestly he is not willing to stay in the marriage under those conditions? Because I wouldn't agree with that.

This reminded me of when chickadee's FWH was on the radio show ~ his need for SF wasn't being met so he sought it outside the M. Basically, Dr Harley talks to chick's FWH about how when their negotiations did not improve their sex life, what he should have done was acknowledged that he couldn't stay in a M without SF, been transparent about it, and sought D if his EN still wasn't being met.

Part 1
Part 2

Towards the end of the second segment there is talk about what happens when you ignore your taker.

I think it might be beneficial to you, HT, to listen to these segments. HTH...

Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B