Originally Posted by MelodyLane
markos, I had viewed that comment as a [legitimate] complaint because it expresses his feelings about the future of the marriage. It wasn't a criticism because it did not include a judgement. But it did convey a very important truth: that he does not want a marriage that does not include SF.

I think it is important that she understands she is not going to be able to keep him in a marriage for long if she refuses to meet his needs. How should he have told her this? I do think it is imperative that she know this, otherwise, she will think she is entitled to unconditional love. [which leads to neglect and abuse] I didn't view the comment as a threat, but as a statement of truth.

Hilltopper, my XH did leave me for another woman in 1999 for this very reason. He did not tell me how miserable he was over the lack of SF, either. I feel strongly that he should have been honest about the lack of SF dooming the marriage. That would have been preferable to having an affair and leaving for her.

This is a very valid point I think. SF is my #1 so I need it and it makes me happy in our marriage. Regardless of the reason it is being withheld(accidental pregnancy), from my perspective its has become an all or nothing. Many of you have mentioned all the different means of satisfaction and birth control and I have mentioned every one of them to my wife but she just says no. Non-PIV stuff is "off the table" as well. I can't make her, but again I don't respect her deliberate decision to withhold even this from me. In addition it makes it hard to believe that it is all about accidental pregnancies since Non-PIV will not cause it to happen.

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD