Originally Posted by heartfelt_1
Today and yesterday I was trying to pull up (in my mind) what it was about OM that was so fascinating to me in the first place. I'm sure it was the prospect of energy/excitement (at the time). But I don't feel it at all right now.

Right. And that is understandable because you haven't been around him. But do you see how difficult it is to elicit those feelings when you don't see him? That is what your H needs to understand. And don't fuss with WHAT you found fascinating, that does confuse the issue.

Of course, there were times in the past year when it went away and came back due to very minimal contact.


That's what I don't want to happen. I want to put it behind me once and for all.

If you tell him the way I outlined it above, I think he will GET IT. I am the type of person who needs very forthright language to get it and I suspect he may be too.

If you can help him understand and get him to agree to eliminate the OM from your lives, you will be successful at restoring the romantic love in your marriage. But as long as the OM makes these occasional appearances, you will be pulled back into that fantasy. And when that happens, your H pales in comparison. But he WON'T if you get the OM out of your lives and restore the romantic love. Hope that makes sense!

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101