Originally Posted by indiegirl
There was a time when I was on the brink of my own EA.

We'd been married about a year. My h was worried about losing his job, I wanst earning and he was very distant. My efforts to talk to him only seemed to worry him more, so i made a very naive decision to just put 'my feelings in the freezer' and wait for him to get over his worry. Very stupid.

At the time I was on a course that involved spending all day every day with the same group of people. I became very close to them, and felt they were important to me, although funnily enough I am no longer in contact with any of them!

One in particlar seemed to admire me a great deal, though nothing inappropriate was ever said or done. It was mostly 'looking' if that makes sense. The flattery was overpowering, but it didnt make me happy at all. It made very anxious and worried.

I knew that I wouldnt find him attractive if I was single. I knew it was only a reflection of problems at home. I knew it was shallow. But knowing these things seemed to make no difference to the pull I felt. It was horrible, like a rip tide that I was ashamed to call for help with.

I felt if I didn't unburden myself soon, I would go mad. I actually think if this peson had been a bit more overt or predatory, I would have spoken to him about it. That would have led to a discussion about feelings - and bang - full blown EA.

In my case, luckily he was actually very careful not to overstep any bounds. I dont credit him with any nobility on this point though. I think he was a bit immature, wanted to have a no-pressure crush and selfishly enjoyed my reactions.

This left me talking to my sis, but this didnt help.

I ended up being forced into the only option left - talking to my H as Dr Harley recommends in his policy of radical honesty. (though this was long before ever hearing of it)


Thank you for sharing this-- your story-- with me. And I am sorry for what you have had to endure as a BS.

I will be very direct about the text, make a suggestion for what DH should do about it, and ask him what he intends to do about it.

I HEAR what everyone is saying to me... I always feel awful for coming here, saying hurtful things, asking for advice, and then feeling like I disappoint people (you all) because I seem obstinate, defensive, or unwilling to do what needs to be done.

Your story sounded so familiar to me.

I keep thinking that I have been radically honest with DH...but ALL THIS TIME has passed and i STILL have not blamed the friend for a thing. I still have not quoted a word he said to me to my DH. DH cannot blame him (and reconsider their friendship) if I don't give him the specific "ammunition" (as it were). i will provide specifc examples to DH.

i will be very disappointed if he blows it off again.

Okay, thank you for pushing this issue!!! I will let you know the outcome.

I hope you have an enjoyable weekend.

Me: WW
EA: 04/18/09 til
DDay: 06/30/10
NC letter: 09/13/11 (against DH's will)
2 lovely happy children