I found your new thread so moved my response to your thread instead of highjacking the other thread.

Originally Posted By: heartfelt_1
Originally Posted By: violette

I read your previous thread. Your husband and my husband are alike with their lack of any emotions. I would be curious to hear an update on whether or not you were able to work things out.


t/j

Violette,

Welcome to MB. I see that you are a fairly new member (of a few weeks). I have read only your first post (of your thread) but I will read them all. NO, DH and I have not worked it out yet. Of course, he doesn't think there is anything that we need to "work out" or "work on". I don't have the answers...but should I discover them, I will be sure to let you know. wink I cannot give out much advice (or any, really) since I am fairly new myself even given my prior posting history.

Only I do want to say.........(from your first post on your thread) I did notice that you have a male friend that is meeting a need of yours...and that is what DH's friend did for me. I know how much trouble that can be. Now I have to suffer through digging myself out of that deep hole. It does not feel good to go through that process. I did learn that I must maintain "extraordinary precautions" and not allow other men to meet my needs. I am certain that you have already been advised about that. smile I will follow your story and wish you the best.



Thanks. I am not really welcome here but can't seem to leave so I switched to lurking. I stopped posting on my thread because I do not want to upset people or waste anyone's time. Maybe, eventually I will be convinced that they are right and I am wrong.

I can't give you any marriage advice but my husband is similar to your husband.

My husband does not know how to love. He avoids any conversation that deals with emotions. If he gets angry at someone or they screw up, he will just shut down and ignore them. Never apologizes or admits he is wrong.

He also tells me how I should feel. When I told him I was depressed and suicidal. He told me to stop being negative and that everyone has problems. Whenever I try to share how I feel, he tells me that my feelings are silly, crazy, stupid, negative or wrong.

He also believes I will never cheat so does not feel a need to protect our marriage. He has no problem with me coming home at one in the morning. When I told him that I was over the OM house, he just asked how he was doing. No questions about why I was there or what were we doing. As long as I take care of the house and kids and am available when he needs me, he does not care where I am or what I do. I am just his wife and can be easily replaced with any other woman.

I have a hard time buying that we can't get our emotional needs met outside the marriage. I know it is not the ideal way to get them met but my husband is not willing or capable to meet my needs so I go else where. I never heard of EA until recently. I discussed them with my therapist and determined that I have had EA throughout the 20 years of marriage. I have always had a special male friend. I never felt it was wrong and my husband always knew about them. And until recently, they were always married. I just have a hard time thinking of it as any different than having a female friend. They were not sexual. Not even flirty. And never close to being physical. And it is not like I think about them all the time. Anymore than I would daydream about a female friend.

I will follow along your thread. It may give me hope if you can breakthrough your husband's walls. You are doing great dealing with a difficult situation.