Originally Posted By: HoldHerHand
Originally Posted By: Hilltopper1972
Originally Posted By: markos
Originally Posted By: Hilltopper1972
Side note. Her best friend and I were joking around about kids and stuff and how life is tough. She made some sexual innuendo to which I replied, "I don't get laid anymore," to which she replied, "it's your own damn fault" and walked away.


If you are interested in protecting your marriage, why in the name of Christ would you have such a discussion? If a woman who isn't your wife makes sexual innuendo towards you ... why continue the discussion? And to tell her about your sex life?


I don't know, I don't know, and I don't know. We had a long chat this morning and although the flirtations are not appropriate, it was really the notion that I spent much of the party by myself with our baby while my wife visited with her friends that bothered me. She apologized for it. We came to the conclusion that neither one of is happy because the effort is not being made once again. The effort is specifically about spending time together. We agreed to be selfish about time alone with each other and both feel that if we accomplish that most other things will fall in line. It worked before and it will again.


Hill, I am going to relate to you a tad bit here, but first things first; don't get nuts about suspicions and confrontations on possible adultery! If you have total transparency you monitor, and that is it.

Now, the situation you find yourself in was where my marriage was after our second DD was born, and it peaked when she was about 2.

Because I failed to act, this continued for 6 years, until I finally withdrew and gave up - of course LB's didn't work, and probably because of whatever LB's were tossed out, other attempts were also rebuked.

So, what I can say is this; don't fall off the path!

When you are struggling to claw your way out of withdrawal, or out of conflict friends, work, extended family - those events are never going to be helpful.

If you are not getting your base UA time, they are going to be downright destructive.

The base from which all other things gain importance is your marriage, period. Less than optimal function in your marriage will; stress your friendships, stress your family relationships, and effect your work.

Start scheduling that UA time, if you have do, redo the dang Q's again. And again.

Performance, feedback, revision.


The third child has taken it's toll on our marriage. We did not have the tools to deal with it as we do now. It is still a strain and frankly a pain, but it doesn't mean we can't both make a conscious decision to change our behavior. There is no love at first site nonsense. We fell in love because we spent a lot of time together. We fell out of love because we stopped spending a lot of time together. It can't get any more simple than that. In the past I wouldn't speak up when we didn't stick to a plan to spend time together but that won't happen anymore. If I need to be the one to speak up about it then I will, because the current path we are on can only lead to two outcomes, infidelity or divorce. Neither of those options is acceptable to either one of us.


Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD