Originally Posted By: Hilltopper1972
Hill, I am going to relate to you a tad bit here, but first things first; don't get nuts about suspicions and confrontations on possible adultery! If you have total transparency you monitor, and that is it.

Now, the situation you find yourself in was where my marriage was after our second DD was born, and it peaked when she was about 2.

Because I failed to act, this continued for 6 years, until I finally withdrew and gave up - of course LB's didn't work, and probably because of whatever LB's were tossed out, other attempts were also rebuked.

So, what I can say is this; don't fall off the path!

When you are struggling to claw your way out of withdrawal, or out of conflict friends, work, extended family - those events are never going to be helpful.

If you are not getting your base UA time, they are going to be downright destructive.

The base from which all other things gain importance is your marriage, period. Less than optimal function in your marriage will; stress your friendships, stress your family relationships, and effect your work.

Start scheduling that UA time, if you have do, redo the dang Q's again. And again.

Performance, feedback, revision.


The third child has taken it's toll on our marriage. We did not have the tools to deal with it as we do now. It is still a strain and frankly a pain, but it doesn't mean we can't both make a conscious decision to change our behavior. There is no love at first site nonsense. We fell in love because we spent a lot of time together. We fell out of love because we stopped spending a lot of time together. It can't get any more simple than that. In the past I wouldn't speak up when we didn't stick to a plan to spend time together but that won't happen anymore. If I need to be the one to speak up about it then I will, because the current path we are on can only lead to two outcomes, infidelity or divorce. Neither of those options is acceptable to either one of us. [/quote]


And this, sir, is an important acknowledgment.

Step two is being the motivator without resorting to LB's.


I know you are capable brother, so refer to the quicklist I have posted to you before. That is your go-to at crisis points!


What are my wife's top 3 EN's?

How can I better meet them?

What are my worst 3 LB's?

How can I eliminate them?

How can we meet our weekly UA goal?

Schedule it!


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR