Originally Posted by PTH
I know you are right Markos but what I don't understand is that Topper has made a commitment to work on his marriage and he has shown progress. Why does his wife regress when he has shown the necessary actions?

The fact is that the real measure of whether Hilltopper has done the job or not is his wife. And it's a part of his wife that's not even under her conscious control. It's her Love Bank. For whatever reason, her love bank has decided that he has some big hurdles to get over. But these hurdles are not infinite, they are reachable, and getting over them is going to be good for Hilltopper himself, and his wife, and his children, and his marriage.

I know I worked harder in recovery when my wife showed me that she too was going to work at it.

Well, yes, that would be motivating to anybody! But that is not the case here, and she is not motivated to do that at this point in time. We can help encourage him to keep going forward even when he is demotivated, to keep at it long enough to finally break through.

Does her love bank have to be full for her to try and meet his needs?? Just confused on my end I guess.

None of us can control her or decide that for her. smile But when her love bank is full, she will want to meet his needs!

Listen to what Dr. Harley told Steve, whose wife is not motivated to work on their marriage:


You can also listen to what Dr. Harley told me:

If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.