How are you doing on the 15+ hours of UA time? (doesn't sound good from the post) I would think you need UA time to get her to fall in love with you.

I asked her if we could go on a date this week and she said yes so we'll see how it goes.

How did that date go?

I think if she falls in love with you again, she will care about your happiness, and you can then sell her on the POJA concept. I think UA time would be key to this.

If she is declining UA time, the only thing I can think of is to keep trying to be creative and entice her into it. I agree with Markos (earlier?) that once she falls in love with you, things may improve rapidly.

50+ yo couple enjoying our empty nest.
Young adult kids out on their own.
"Enthusiastic agreement?" is our catch phrase.