Hill, you sound tired and depressed? The holidays can be stressful on everyone. It's cyclical, though, right? One morning soon you'll wake up and feel like yourself again, plan some rest and relaxation time with your wife, time that'll recharge the batteries for both of you. How long does it even take to plan a date and get a sitter, when you're running on all cylinders? 15 minutes? Do you have a 15 minute coffee break at work today that you'd be willing to just "get 'er done?" Is there a different time of the ay that would be easier instead?

Are you getting enough sleep, good nutrition, exercise?


So you gave that stuff a shot, you didn't like it. Next! It's only difficult until you get some momentum behind you. Maybe you want to try something totally out of left field like cwmi and her H did, like the p90x stuff, or taking up sailing with little kids. For us, two couch potatoes, we found we we liked playing soccer in the back yard. Folks are finding new stuff to try that they turn out really enjoying, every day.
What kind of things do you think you'd like to try? What did y'all do for fun when you were dating?


You're not enthusiastic, Hill. How about some balance, so you're both happy. Maybe some middle ground, like taking the kids out to the park for a few hours so she could have some time at home without anyone underfoot? Maybe getting a cleaning person so there isn't so many chores left for the weekend? I don't know, what solutions do you see for this?

Hill, you can be a charming man. How about sharing your O&H while laying on the charm? Whatever you have to say can be said in a way that she knows is form the heart, because you love her and want to be happy together, right? When does she respond best to you?

What results have you seen so far, what is working better now than when you joined earlier this year? I understand the hours obsessing over it, what would you like to replace that with? If your wife is content, that means some things are working, right? Is there some success there you two can build on?

Allowed to run roughshod, is this frustration talking? Is she doing things that harm you in the present, or are you frustrated over stuff that's happened in the past? If she's doing things that harm you in the present, how about getting some outside support for the marriage?

When my MB plan felt like punishment instead of a relief, it was where I misunderstood stuff. You're only supposed to be doing things for yourself, your marriage, your family that you are enthusiastic about. The only things you need to avoid are things that gain at your and/or their expense. What about your plan feels like something you need to stick to while she's "running roughshod"? For example, if she's yelling, and you're not yelling back, that's unacceptable that she's still acting out like that, and you all can get outside intervention for that. Because if for no other reason, your kids deserve better. And if you're not yelling, that's because you are a man of character and not stooping to that level. Showing your kids how to take on challenges with grace and dignity and effectiveness. Not because you're following a plan you don't want to be following, right?