Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
Anyways times are good as I'm focused. One issue I am having is not reacting to lovebusters. To be intellectually honest I'm rarely disrespectful unless I've been disrespectful. I'm no saint, just extremely practical. The most common is my wife DJing me about anything and me letting it get to me and reacting to her. The mist common is me feeling offended and expressing my views.

I have that problem. It is extremely hard. Especially since I'm the kind of guy who was wired not to even see my own disrespect which I was offering in response.

But it's just got to be done if you want to get her motivated again. If you can encourage her to be open with you about your disrespect it will help. You can do this by telling her "I know that I have a problem with being really disrespectful to you. It is important to me not to do this, but I don't always recognize it. I appreciate it when you give me a list each week of the things I've said or done that you felt were disrespectful." And it's encouraging to her if you do the whole thing without mentioning her problem, even though her problem is extremely relevant, and it sure would help if she'd work on her end, too, you know? But she's not doing that, so you're really left with little other choice.

For Prisca it made a huge difference when she saw me not reacting with disrespect to her behavior. I became the kind of person who would focus on whatever problem she was talking about, without deflecting back to the problems that she was causing me. And after enough of this, she became motivated to work on the problems I had identified.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.