Hi all! Jus thought I'd drop in for a quick note. It's ben 8+ years or some such thing. I still have my bad moments (but they are moments :), not days and weeks! For you FWW's, just keep focused on realizing that your BH is making a choice against what is natural, and try to be patient with him. You BH's, realize that most of what you are thinking is blown out of proportion. It's not that it didn't happen, but more that it was an uninvested action. Probably, those things you are upset about your FWW doing, she would have done gladly with you, but you were too fearful and withdrawn to evoke those things. You can lay claim to them all. Don't live in a prison. Openly tell YOUR WIFE! Express to her what you desire. I'm sure she will respond in a positive way, at least in a few days...after she digests it all.

For you newly betrayed husbands....here's a secret (when she comes home) YOU HAVE THE POWER. I know it does not feel that way, and even while she is still a WW, you still have the power. For most of them, it's only fun as long as she is confident that she can get away with it. The instant that reality rears its ugly head, and you show the signs of moving on, watch her dangle the carrot (and believe me, we are so hungry by that point, a smile is enough to make us think we have a chance, and inspire us to 4 pages of unbelievably inspired posts in the forums!). Be firm. The sooner you set yourself some of your own personal achievement goals for recovery, and start crossing them off, watch how your perspective of the current situation changes. The best thing, and the first thing I tell BH's is that they get to choose to forgive. It's not their WW's decision, it's yours. I'm still here, forgiving each and every day ( and I don't honestly know if a day has passed that I didn't have at least a thought)... and what is my inspiration? A few things... I repeatedly ask God to reward me for my obedience and to execute His vengeance for me (as I did nothing, against all my personal desires), my children are better for it, and I still love my wife. It is different than it was, but it is still love.

I don't know if I encouraged or helped anyone in this, but I like to pop in and just let people know, you can do it, and last, at least 8+ years wink .

9 years now ... and some days you still say grrr!
Hang in there.