Hi, Accuray. Welcome to Marriage Builders.

Most likely, your wife is not in love with you. (Although she may say otherwise, and she may not even be aware!) If she were in love with you, her feelings would prompt her to want to do things for you, and her feelings would also cause her to become more likely to enjoy sex, etc.

This is a really common scenario.

The way to turn this around is to get your wife to fall in love with you. By using the principles on this site from Dr. Harley, you can learn to make large, massive Love Bank deposits every day. Eventually your account in your wife's Love Bank will pass the threshold of romantic love, and her feelings and actions towards you will suddenly change! Dr. Harley says this is not gradual, it is very sudden, and he has had men he's worked with tell him they woke up one day and their wife was completely different, and they even wondered if she'd started taking hormones or something!

This can be a bit of a long arduous process, but you can see results in just a few weeks if you are able to make serious progress towards the love bank deposits that really count the most.

First off, are the two of you able to spend any time alone together? If so, how much each week, and how do you spend it?

Second, do the two of you ever fight or argue? If you do, tell us about it; it really does take two to argue, and we can teach you how to not argue with her even if she wants to argue with you. Arguments are like atomic bombs for your Love Bank account balance.

After your wife is in love with you, there may still be some adjustments to be made, i.e., she may be doing things for you that she would like and may need to learn new habits that you would like, but at this point there will be a lot more willingness. I don't think Dr. Harley uses the following language in the paragraph you cited, but he talks about relationships in terms of the "Buyer's Agreement" versus the "Renter's Agreement." What you are expressing you want is the Buyer's agreement: a willingness to fix things together to make the marriage liveable and happy and fulfilling for both of you, forever. Currently your wife's emotions are leading her to a Renter's agreement: do whatever it takes for now to get by, until next month.

Dr. Harley's approach to getting husbands and wives to adopt the Buyer's agreement is twofold: the first step is to get them to fall in love with each other, and the second step is to get them to adopt the Buyer's agreement so that the love will be sustained for life. If you can follow the plan here (and we can help!) you can get your wife to fall in love with you, and then you can see if she is willing to adopt the Buyer's agreement.

If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.