Originally Posted By: CWMI
Well, thankfully the phone and mortgage and work-related IB is over and we are mutually satisfied with that.

Over all things are great.

But I revive this thread because yesterday was blech. And I'm feeling ill about it--physically. I haven't been to the doctor, so I don't know if it is psychological or truly physical.

Boating is our new thing. We have had some challenges there, and have been able to work through them well using MB. One thing that H tends to do, though, that I find quite unpleasant, is driving too fast through wake. He insists it is safer to keep speed. I say it is beating up the boat and the people in it. We've often had to reconnect speaker wires that break free after he barrels through (read: over) wake; he does not believe these things are related. I have no way to prove that they are, because we don't cruise with the radio on, and only find out that the speakers are not working when we anchor the next day or next weekend.

So yesterday, he was barreling though large wake and I ended up bracing on the floor praying that the rest of the family would remain inside the boat, begging him to slow down! He didn't, we came out of the wake in one piece, and he was all, "See? No problem!" I ended up taking over later, and showing him how nobody had to brace if the driver just took it down a notch when going into wake, and how easy it was to just lag back when a big-waking boat like a cruiser was around. I pointed out a few other boats who also slowed in big wake, rather than powering through. Sometimes, he gets us airborne, which "makes me nervous." <<he says I should be less nervous, rather than him slowing down.

Anyway, we explored some new areas, which was nice because our lake is unpredictable in depth so he took it easy while we were just cruising in those areas. We found a place to anchor, and the kids and dog jumped off to explore an island. A man started walking down the beach toward our kids. I said to H, "Maybe you should go over there," and he felt that, on top of me telling him to slow down in wake, I was telling him what to do.

So he goes; the guy was taking photographs off the end of the beach (NOT of our kids) and I noticed the boat was drifting. I checked anchor, and we were off the hook. I hollared to shore: We're loose! Ya'll swim back! and they ignored me. So I hollared louder. Off the hook! Come back on board! Last thing *I* would want is to see my ride fire up and pull anchor, right, while I'm stuck on an island? He said I was yelling at him. I agreed. I was getting further away. I was in an unanchored boat, floating a hook. I was still close enough for them to swim back.

I was "demanding".

Then the joy of the day continued. After they got on board and I got the free anchor pulled in (it was holding us at least a little steady against the 10mph winds), he (rightfully so, imho) refused to drive, and that's when the wake thing came into play. Since he had driven us up into this creek, I turned and asked him if I was heading in the right direction at a fork on the way back. He said, "I don't know!" Other than that, he refused to speak to me, and instead pouted on the back bench of the boat. I got us to a bay area instead of the channel and stopped, and asked, "What needs to happen to set this right and make it so we can enjoy the rest of the day?"

I got the barrage of old complaints...about me complaining. I can't tell him how fast to drive, don't tell him when to protect his kids, etc.

He ended with: I just want to be able to relax! I said, Me too! So I drove us back to the cove that we usually enjoy, and the rest of the day was great.

UNTIL...we got back to the dock and were walking to the car and came upon a family with a loose pit bull in the parking lot. H had our dog on a leash and stopped. Told the kids to stay back. He asked a man standing by the dog if the dog was okay. Some woman said, "Oh, yeah, that dog's a big old puppy, never hurt a soul." H explained that our dog WAS a puppy and very spirited and he was worried about her barking at theirs and starting something. She was like, "Nah, he'd just sit there!" So H continues walking our three young children and our puppy past a pit bull and I said, "Put your dog on a leash." I stayed put. The man said, Nah, he's fine! I said no, it's the law, put your dog on a leash or put it in your car. The woman mocked me.

H said I was RUDE. The dog did stay put as promised, but I, and the law, require dogs to be leashed in public.

And that sounds so much like an old story, I am discouraged today. Plus, my lower back and upper chest hurt, and I think that may be from hitting wakes. Probably didn't help that I was terrified and bracing...

Just venting, cause I want to rip *someone* a new one, and it's better for me to do that here. smile



The boating sounds fun. Sorry you are having difficulty.

So much of your dynamic with your dh reminds me of my first marriage. I would voice what I felt was a valid concern...and be called overbearing or demanding.