That is a lot to take in but it not only makes sense, I think I know all of this. There comes a time, and in my case probably multiple times, where you wonder when the light at the end of the tunnel is. I ask myself this all the time. "Am I willing to wait as long as it takes?" Being with someone else literally makes no sense. We have 3 incredible children together and honestly have a pretty good life. She seems quite content in fact which is something else that bothers me. I had an example of a marriage between my parents that I consider part of the 20% that Dr H mentions. Her folks on the other hand are officially married and he is absolutely miserable. I often wonder if her view of marriage has impacted what she expects out of one? Is her idea of marriage what we have whereas mine is one that expects greatness? I want to be madly in love. I want and desire to have a hard time keeping our hands off each other. I want her to hug me back like I hug her. I get none of that. She spends hours and hours worrying about what color to paint kitchen cabinets. I don't get it personally but I'm ok that this is one of her hobbies. What I don't get is why it is a priority well above our marriage. Not just slightly, I mean 10 to 1.
One more thing because SF is the most important thing to me and to most guys. I have an appt for getting a V tomorrow. What little sex we do have I want to be good for both of us mentally and physically. To be honest I expect nothing to change in that department but I'm doing it anyways. We'll see how it goes.

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD