Ok so without a doubt the kids sap my wife's strength as well as mine. At the end of the day we are both exhausted and the last thing she wants to do is be lovey dovey or spend good quality time with each other fulfilling needs. I've asked repeatedly but it doesn't really change anything. Instead she becomes more needy and I try and accommodate as best I can to cater to that need. I recognize that the house is never going to be "just right" for her because we've been here 10 years and she still gets irritated each and every day about one thing or another. I'm not the handiest guy in the world and she is ok with that but that doesn't mean that she is ok with the things that she wants to fix or change. I take the path of least resistance and always try not to create more projects to do whereas my wife does the opposite. It bothers me but I've learned that it is important to her and that is just the way it's gonna be. How about I hire a handyman and put him on a retainer for 10 hours a month or whatever it takes for the next 90 days to fix every single thing that bothers her from top to bottom, and hire a laundry pick up and delivery service so she doesn't get so overwhelmed about the piles and piles of laundry? Is it ok that I'm not the one fixing the stuff and that I'm not the one doing the laundry?

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD