I like what Marcos has to say. Often I can diffuse a situation by calmly stating that I knew she is upset, I'm sorry for x action I did to upset her and I'd love to talk about it but that is appreciate if she didn't snap at me.

Or word it goes you want. The key for me is acknowledge she is upset, own up to my part, and then calmly state my own boundaries

Husband (me) 39
Wife 36
Daughter 21
Daughter 19
Son 14
Daughter 10
Son 8 (autistic)