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Originally Posted by HDW
Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
Originally Posted by MrNiceGuy
Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
I was as cocky as they came when we were dating ...

And then she married you right? .. where did that guy go? where did the guy who rolls with the punches go? The laid bacj guy who is not desperate but still enjoyes time with his wife so she doesnt feel pressured.

I am not saying use my exact lines of being cocky/funny .. you must cater to your wifes humor... those were just examples.

If you are not happy with yourself ... and feeling down and desperate and emitting that energy to your wife ... how can she respect that? Stop placing your happiness on your wife. BE HAPPY YOURSELF... however you can accomplish that. This will infect your wife!

Think about the things i have said ... and do not regurgitate your emotions over hidden expectations that you place on your wife. Take ACtion!

Good job on making headway on your DJ's !

MNG

I hear you loud and clear. I'm very happy actually. Financially things are amazing. My kids are growing and developing and I love being a Dad. I'm an active runner and my wife and I support each other in races rather than fight each other which is how it used to be. In fact sometimes when we have sitters we run together. When I say I'm unhappy I'm specifically talking about my marriage. I want to be in love and be very into each other and I know this is possible. On the outside looking in it appears my wife doesn't have that same need or desire. She never says she is unhappy or at least very rarely.

Does she run with others?
That is recreational time. Who does she run with when you don't have babysitter?
By the way, I'm an avid runner too.

A close girlfriend. If I didn't have a stress fracture we'd run more together than we do now. In fact this morning we are dropping off the kids and going to the gym.


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In fact this morning we are dropping off the kids and going to the gym.
Wonderful! The gym is a GREAT place for UA time.


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Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
***Roll Call Day Two - This is a NO DJ Zone***

Great! None so far?

I have a list somewhere where I put together about twelve categoies of disrespectful judgments. They are so incredibly hard to spot. I'll try to find that list for you and post it.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Excellent radio clips on DJs and AO. Dr. Harley even talks about how he has had to deal with his own anger. He says DJs to him are the one thing that can set him off.

Also excellent radio clips.

Tell us what you think.
Radio clip on DJ/AO
Segment #2
Segment #3
Segment #4


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Originally Posted by Prisca
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In fact this morning we are dropping off the kids and going to the gym.
Wonderful! The gym is a GREAT place for UA time.

You and Markos must love each other a lot then. The last time my wife and I tried to workout together, I thought we were going to kill each other. Of course, we have totally different goals when it comes to training. She wants to use machines and get on the eliptical. I want to pull heavy deadlift singles in the 500s or powercleans. Maybe drag up and db bench some 120s. I want to feel like my eyeballs are about to pop out of their sockets. I don't want to talk except to ask to pass the chalk or maybe a spot on the bench. My wife is not nearly strong enough to spot me on teh bench nor does she want to.

And a few of the guys I train with whom have wives are a lot like my wife. So she goes off with the other wives and they do their style of working out and we guys off and be uncivilized animals.


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Originally Posted by kilted_thrower
Originally Posted by Prisca
Quote
In fact this morning we are dropping off the kids and going to the gym.
Wonderful! The gym is a GREAT place for UA time.

You and Markos must love each other a lot then. The last time my wife and I tried to workout together, I thought we were going to kill each other. Of course, we have totally different goals when it comes to training. She wants to use machines and get on the eliptical. I want to pull heavy deadlift singles in the 500s or powercleans. Maybe drag up and db bench some 120s. I want to feel like my eyeballs are about to pop out of their sockets. I don't want to talk except to ask to pass the chalk or maybe a spot on the bench. My wife is not nearly strong enough to spot me on teh bench nor does she want to.

And a few of the guys I train with whom have wives are a lot like my wife. So she goes off with the other wives and they do their style of working out and we guys off and be uncivilized animals.

Our goal is UA, kilted.


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Hill, have you thought about when you get home and see she's in a bad mood to bust out with a, "Is there anything I can help you with honey?"


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Our goal is UA, kilted.
And Markos still gets to do his animalistic heavy weight lifting, which is kinda sexy wink


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Originally Posted by Prisca
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In fact this morning we are dropping off the kids and going to the gym.
Wonderful! The gym is a GREAT place for UA time.

Yes I did laps and she hit the treadmill. Things are going well.


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Originally Posted by kilted_thrower
Originally Posted by Prisca
Quote
In fact this morning we are dropping off the kids and going to the gym.
Wonderful! The gym is a GREAT place for UA time.

You and Markos must love each other a lot then. The last time my wife and I tried to workout together, I thought we were going to kill each other. Of course, we have totally different goals when it comes to training. She wants to use machines and get on the eliptical. I want to pull heavy deadlift singles in the 500s or powercleans. Maybe drag up and db bench some 120s. I want to feel like my eyeballs are about to pop out of their sockets. I don't want to talk except to ask to pass the chalk or maybe a spot on the bench. My wife is not nearly strong enough to spot me on teh bench nor does she want to.

And a few of the guys I train with whom have wives are a lot like my wife. So she goes off with the other wives and they do their style of working out and we guys off and be uncivilized animals.

My wife is coming around on the workout together thing. We did one time several years ago and I was a know it all jerk so we never did again. I've proven that I won't do that again so she is much more ok with it whereas before it was a no go.


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Originally Posted by kilted_thrower
Hill, have you thought about when you get home and see she's in a bad mood to bust out with a, "Is there anything I can help you with honey?"

Yes I constantly assist and I'm very hands on with dishes, baths, changing kids, and I cook dinner and breakfast daily. She prefers to handle laundry but it still overwhelms her. The fluff and fold thing was a rip off so we decided not to do that again. Handyman starts Tuesday, 3 hours a week indefinitely so we are both excited about that.


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Originally Posted by Prisca
Quote
Our goal is UA, kilted.
And Markos still gets to do his animalistic heavy weight lifting, which is kinda sexy wink

Markos, how about I get on one side and you get on the other and we see if we can out-lift Kilted Thrower? smile

I was training for an Xterra 18k out here in the Santa Monica mountains and ended up with a stress fracture in my upper tibia. Stationary bike still kind of irritated it so I got some goggles and hit the pool. I can't really kick so I swam for an hour "all arms" and to be honest I'm toast. Don't worry I left out the speedo! smile

I was grilling this evening for the family and my wife came out and gave me a kiss. Today is Day 3 of the No DJ zone. There were a couple of close calls, but I used my noggin and suppressed that reaction.


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Did you ever get around to listening to the clips? If you don't want to listen that's fine then I won't spend my time finding clips for you.


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Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Did you ever get around to listening to the clips? If you don't want to listen that's fine then I won't spend my time finding clips for you.

I did not listen to the clips. I have to pick and choose my battles and since my wife is not a fan of MB then it is difficult to find time to listen to clips. I also don't really have a commute any longer, but thanks for the time and effort.


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Hilltopper,

When you say day 3 of no DJ Zone, do you mean you have just started MB program of ending Love Busters?

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also regarding audio clips MB has an IPHONE app on their website;
it works great

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Originally Posted by HDW
Hilltopper,

When you say day 3 of no DJ Zone, do you mean you have just started MB program of ending Love Busters?

Gosh no. It means that I will no longer give myself a break about DJing my wife even if she DJs me. The pattern over the past year or more has been me getting upset because my needs are not met or neglect or both. I let it build and then snap with a zinger of a DJ even though I know that that strategy doesn't work. I've zeroed in on those DJs as a barrier to getting my wife to fall back in love with me. I've been working very hard on meeting her EN's only to ruin it about once every 4-5 days with a DJ. To simplify my task and not get so overwhelmed with the feeling that I have to be perfect, I decided to created my own roll call about each day that I go 24 hours without DJing my wife. Today is the beginning of Day 4. I'm restless. SF is my #1 EN and its been long enough to where I'm irritable and so I'm overcoming my emotions with my mind and being extra cautious not to let a DJ slip and ruin the progress. My goal is to do this until she crosses that threshold. If she never does then I'll come back and add another goal to track in the same manner.


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I think you may need to cut your running to spend more time with her.

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Maybe just do 5K and 10K races with her on the weekends

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Originally Posted by HDW
I think you may need to cut your running to spend more time with her.

I would agree with you if spending time together was the problem. It used to be actually but we both realized and understood the importance and we will get probably 20 hours together on a great week and maybe 10-12 on a bad one. Remember I have an unwilling participant in MB so asking her to meet my needs can be tough. For example I sent her a text 10 mins ago about working out together, then put kids down, then massage, then xoxo! After texting all morning back and forth, I got no response from this text. The UA time is not optimal because the feelings of romantic love aren't back yet for her. I can't spend as much time as I spent with her this weekend which was fabulous, and then get emotional and shoot out a DJ that in essence points out what a bad person she is for not meeting my needs, you know? That has been my pattern and I must break it.


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