Originally Posted by kilted_thrower
Hill, I'm sure you've been told this but while you may not be able to control how you feel, you do control how you respond. A simple, "I understand that you're upset, if you'd like to talk about it, I'd love to listen." Leave it there. If she snaps at you, repeat, "I understand that you're upset but please do not snap at me/raise your voice at me/speak down to me/"etc (whatever it is). You do not snap at her, yell at her, disrespect her, etc.

You simply verify how she is feeling, let her know you are open to discuss, but you will not be treated or spoken to poorly. My wife used to be the queen of speaking disrespectfully to me. It is very rare that that she is anymore and it gets nipped in the bud quickly. However I can't respond to her ina jerk tone telling her not to treat me like a jerk. YOu have to lead the example.

Yes that is what I'm doing is leading by example. Small example just now. I was cleaning up after a messy dinner last night and put a yogurt our 18 mo old was eating in the fridge and failed to put tin foil on it. I was just home for lunch and my wife said, "Do you really think baby will eat this now since there was no foil on this?" She wasn't asking a question mind you and she has left baby's food on counter, in cars, and everywhere else every day for a year. I just figured she is a busy mom with three kids and it's intense and if you leave some thing out and it goes bad then that is just part of life so I never say anything to her about it. I did it just this one time and she sent a snide comment my way. My heart told me to point out her hypocrisy and ask her who she thought she was to be the pot calling the kettle black. I did not. I just apologized. The way I view the world is that people can behave anyway they want, but the moment they cross the line into the hypocrisy zone it really irks me. I tend to take the path of least resistance I suppose. My solution to seeing something left out that is bad is to just throw it away. My wife sees thing differently, she wants to point it out and sometimes do it with disrespect. I have no problem letting her know when something bothers me, but for now I need to work on eliminating my DJs for a week or two before I add another step.

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD