Hill, my marriage had a ton of blaming, too. How about a little O&H (openness and honesty) followed by a thoughtful request? We uses to call this drive-by O&H as a reminder that in a thoughtful request an answer isn't necessary. I really think you'll be surprised at how much the "letting go of the response" part of thoughtful requests defuses the atmosphere of blame.

I used to read the Friends of Good Conversation article every day before my XH got home. Reminded me how to be fun and light, like MNG discussed. Hard to stay cranky/blaming with someone who is talking about things you enjoy to investigate, inform and understand you. What do you think?

I would say something like "Wow that tone just got right under my skin, please knock it off, thanks! So do you recognize the music?"

Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010