Originally Posted by markos
Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
Yes I'm working hard at joining my wife in her daily life's struggles. I'm learning not to take it personally. If she complains a bit about something she is just "venting" to me. She wants someone to understand is all. She might doing in a way where I feel attacked quite frequently, but this is not her intent.

Yes, me too!

I bought a biofeedback meter at the recommendation of one of Dr. Harley's newer articles, and I started putting that thing on when we talk about things that are bothering Prisca via IM. Guess what? Turns out I become extremely stressed during those conversations. smile Just tabbing over to that window stresses me out!! BUT, it really is true that practicing makes perfect and I can learn to stay calm while thinking about the issues, and when I do that, I do a better job of not making love bank withdrawals during the discussion.

You had mentioned that last week I believe about the IM conversations. Would you say that you get stressed because your mind is anticipating conflict? Was it customary for Prisca to be disrespectful or demanding through instant message or text? It is funny you mention that because I have the same anxiety stress over texts. I had one yesterday where she asked if I could pick up our son, even though I had already arrived home and would have to get back in the car and drive 15 minutes to get him. I for a long time and even now am afraid to say no to my wife for fear it would escalate into conflict. I offered because I knew it would make her happy but she said, "No don't worry about it." That was the end of the discussion and she wasn't mad and probably wasn't mad before if I declined to do something. She was only mad if I would decline disrespectfully.

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD