Originally Posted By: Hilltopper1972
Originally Posted By: MrNiceGuy
Hill .. I just wanted to apologize for jacking your thread (or contributing to it) I am just trying to help you and giving you info that has helped me and my wife. I hope you found some value in what i wrote....

MNG

Hope to see day 2 of NO DJing tomorrow! smile


MNG, there is value and I understand exactly what you were saying and why it works. It wouldn't work for me to verbalize it, but being aware of the time of the month is something I'll be doing.

Today is Day 2 of the NO DJ Zone. My plan is working, but it will take some time. What I didn't think about that is a positive result of eliminating my disrespectful behavior is that everything else I'm trying to accomplish has become easier. When my wife doesn't have a bitter taste in her mouth about the last DJ I made, she is more receptive to letting me meet her ENs. I just keep trying to picture a chart like those one's for a blood drive with a big ole mark on it which represents the threshold of love. I don't know how many days it may take, but I know that I'm determined to eliminate the DJs to prevent any further backslides.

On another note, in learning the MB process, have any of you observed friends or family and the level of disrespect that is rampant in marriages today? It continues to amaze me observing how the majority of spouses treat each other. It could just be my group. I find the level of sarcasm and "belittling" of spouses in public to be sad. My wife and I certainly spent many years doing this and in fact my wife still does at times which is something I need to be prepared for.


Thats GREAT Hill! Glad to see day2 no DJs ... smile

And in regards to your comment about noticing the high levels of disrespect in friends and family's marriages. I notice it ABSOLUTLEY. My entire family craps all over me when i bring up MB as I watch their levels of disrespect ramp up all the time. I feel that alot of my family is now jealous of my wife and I and the marriage we have. They cant bring themselves to take on MB to have what we have. When they start talking about things in their marriages/relationships and not knowing what to do about it and i bring up MB .. i get that "oh no not this again" look ALMOST as if i was about to preach to a non jesus believer who cant stand listening to it.. and they change the topic and stop talking about their problems to us. I find it quite sad to watch them .. my wife and I discuss our other familys marriages all the time.

If you had read my thread you would know my situation between my wife and I was similar as yours .. my wife and I used to go to our family for support when we struggled and they would love to hear our problems and offer solutions that NEVER WORKED! (we tried their suggestions but it only drove us futher apart, no wonder they have crappy relationships and seem to hate us sometimes). ONce we got the core of MB instilled in us (after I worked the program and convinced my wife she should too) something was still missing ... MB didnt have everything to fix me. I was a very needy/emotional/unmanly/demasculated guy.. like you. My wife would often tell me .. "stop being so needy! its VERY unattractive!" and things like "Cant you just let whatever happens happen and not put so much pressure to have sex all the time? Wheres the fun loving laid back emotionaly stable guy i used to date" .. even if it was weeks since our last SF session. If i couldnt find a way to be more of a "no big deal, let everyhting roll off my back kinda guy that doesnt get pushy or whiny or needy about his needs being unmet" I would have never gotten to where I am today in my relationship with my wife .. even with MB.

I had to become NOT needy at all ... and use some role reversing on her .. and act like i was not interested in sex .. (for a while) and play it up like I was hard to get in order for her to want me. And do alot of the things i said earlier. I dont always tease.. or bug her .. or rag on her. But when I do .. its subtle and she finds it quite funny at times .. other times not so much. I make mistakes too in some of my cocky ways.. or joke about the wrong thing. IF i do .. my wife just says . "hey .. that ones a love buster!" so i would then say "ok .. thanks for letting me know .. or "your right, I should have known that" and i carry on from that point like it didnt happen, let it roll off my back and I remember for next time. She then carrys on like it didnt happen either! My wife is AMAZING now .. we vibe so well together!

My wife has turned full circle and is the initiator now for alot of our afections/sf and like i said can hardly keep her hands off me because she can count on the fact that if things dont work out .. or we get too busy for needs to be met for whatever reason .. i dont get all needy over it. I roll with the punches and shrug it off. ITs a Whatever then .. I just think to myself .. "we are going to be togehter forever .. so theres always another day!

Whats really helping us this week is we have 9 days with NO KIDS! For the first time ever. Getting caught up in our UA time big time! We both have to work .. but its sure nice coming home to no responsibilities! They went to the Calgary Stampeed with my dads common law wife of 20 years. They come back next sunday. For some strange reason I dont miss them yet lol ... LAst weekend i took my hunneh out 4x4ing .. and fishing. She loves fishing. WE bought a cheap 2man boat that has 2 rod holders and sat in it and tied off to a tree sticking out of the lake and floated around casting and chatting all day. WE plan on this next weekend too .. heading to another lake i have never been to way out in the boonies.

Keep up the good work Hill .. things seem to be coming together for you as your more aware of your wifes triggers and being more of a laid back guy and not taking things so personally all the time.

Looking forward to day 3 no DJing!

MNG

edit to add minor detail.

Last edited by MrNiceGuy; 07/12/12 11:40 AM.