Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Originally Posted by markos
Hey, you listened! Great! I was a little bit worried earlier that you were missing the clips BH is posting. BrainHurts is like our new Marriage Builders Radio encyclopedia. It's like having someone bring Dr. Harley into every single discussion on this website, which I've got to say has been a massive improvement.

Regarding blaming -- I have heard Dr. Harley say that he has very low success teaching wives not to blame their husbands. (I heard this in two clips from 2006 or 2007. Maybe BrainHurts can find them. smile ) In a way this is very discouraging to me, because you know, I HATE TO BE BLAMED! In fact, we all do. I've even heard that in cases of affairs, wives typically blame their husbands for the affair whether it was he or she who went wayward. BUT, and this is the encouraging part, Dr. Harley says that despite this blaming, he has succeeded in teaching these couples how to have good marriages. (i.e.,in love)
Thanks. smile Here's a good show.
Radio clip on diasgreement and blaming
Segment #2
Segment #3

(Okay, and honesty time: sometimes I WAS to blame!! smile )
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The take away from that first segment is that people have different perspectives on things and no matter how crazy you might believe your spouses perspective is, you have to respect it. Something in my marriage that comes up a lot is that my wife spends hours and hours researching things for the house. It is very important to get things "just right" and just how she likes them. It drives me crazy and has led to many fights over the years. I have a different view. Life is short, get 'er done, so we can go enjoy our day! I don't get her perspective and she doesn't get mine, but if I can appreciate how important things like that are you her, and she can appreciate that it does not make me happy painting the walls three times(tongue in cheek), then we'll come to an understanding about it and hopefully POJA to something that makes us both happy.

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD