Originally Posted by Enlightened_Ex
That or, "you may be right."

You are not saying they are, you are not saying they aren't. You are simply saying something to let it go.

How to DEAL with it internally is another matter. At some point, you have to be honest about how this little love buster impacts you.

The question is, do you believe she cares? (Not a DJ, I'm asking your opinion, your belief, we both know she could feel differently than you think/believe she does.) Is the cost of being honest worth the benefit you might get out of it. I.E. do you prefer being right, or married?

Yeah, you want both, but sometimes you can't have that.
Originally Posted by CWMI
Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
Tomorrow I might be able to listen. In the mean time I have a question for you all. How do you deal with untrue accusations, even if they are not all that important? Wife sent me a text in the afternoon and said I had left the A/C on. I said, it must have been from the night before because I didn't turn the A/C on when I came home for lunch. She said that she had turned it off when she left in the morning. My inclination as a very literal person is to get the story straight. In the past I probably would have insisted on truth no matter how trivial and inflamed my wife more than likely. I ignored it because in the end what possible good could come from me pursuing truth on something as silly as that? Have any of you encountered this regularly? Does it bother you?

I started saying, "Thanks! I didn't know that."

It's truthful, it's kind, and it lets the other person feel heard.

See that is the key. I don't think she really cares and her Love Bank is the same as it was before she thought I left the A/C on. She has repeatedly said over the last 10 years of marriage, "You always have to be right." I used to respond, "Well honey there is truth and there is untruth. There is right and there is wrong." Major love buster. It is as if to say, "Well I'm sorry you want to believe in something that is false, you are a fool for doing so." No wonder she didn't like me back then. smile We had a similar discussion about weight loss last night. Sure there are a myriad of things that contribute to a successful weight loss journey, but for the most part it is in creating a calorie deficit. 3500 calories = 1 lb of fat and she wanted to know how many calories between now and our vacation she needed to burn with her BMI to lose X number of lbs. She did not see it the way I saw it. I'm smarter now than I used to be, so I shut my mouth on it till a little later in dinner when she got around to asking me to show her on my phone. Ding, ding, ding! It made perfect sense to her and so we created a chart that lasts 28 days to measure our progress. Difference is it was on her terms and it was done without being a know it all, condescending, lecturing jerk. hurray

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD