Originally Posted by HopefulNC
Hi Hilltopper!

I don't make it around much anymore, work has exploded and I'm content to sleep a few hours and eat a meal or two a day lately, but I had to send the forum link to a friend dealing with an affair tonight and noticed you posting.

A book that I was forced to read for work that has helped me in my marriage was Crucial Confrontations/Crucial Conversations. There are two, and to me they promote a communication of keeping the conversation safe, learning to recognize when the other person is no longer 'safe' and communicating, and promote almost POJA throughout. They in no way replace Dr Harley's books or work, but they helped me be able to utilize POJA/PORH better with DH because of how I communicated. Some people, like my boss, just have this naturally. Me, not so much.

Good Luck!

This is kind of like picking and choosing your battles. Whereas we can't control our emotions and reactions to certain things, we CAN control how we respond to them with our brains. My heart told me to immediately point out an untruth, but my brain knew that keeping the conversation safe meant to take the high road. In addition my brain told me that there was no benefit in choosing to fight this battle whatsoever and that my wife's love bank and mine would both fall had I pursued it.

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD