Originally Posted by markos
Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
See that is the key. I don't think she really cares and her Love Bank is the same as it was before she thought I left the A/C on. She has repeatedly said over the last 10 years of marriage, "You always have to be right." I used to respond, "Well honey there is truth and there is untruth. There is right and there is wrong." Major love buster. It is as if to say, "Well I'm sorry you want to believe in something that is false, you are a fool for doing so." No wonder she didn't like me back then. smile We had a similar discussion about weight loss last night. Sure there are a myriad of things that contribute to a successful weight loss journey, but for the most part it is in creating a calorie deficit. 3500 calories = 1 lb of fat and she wanted to know how many calories between now and our vacation she needed to burn with her BMI to lose X number of lbs. She did not see it the way I saw it. I'm smarter now than I used to be, so I shut my mouth on it till a little later in dinner when she got around to asking me to show her on my phone. Ding, ding, ding! It made perfect sense to her and so we created a chart that lasts 28 days to measure our progress. Difference is it was on her terms and it was done without being a know it all, condescending, lecturing jerk. hurray

Threadjack: you sound like a man who's read the Hacker's Diet.

Learning to have a respectful conversation is an amazing process. You are right, there is truth, and there is untruth. But it's just amazing to sit and talk with someone who believes something completely different about truth, and put the conversation into a mode of "I want to understand what you believe, and why, and I want to be able to explain it, in my own words, from your point of view."

Part of the key is what Dr. Harley has in his article on religious differences / respectful persuasion on this site: willingness to be persuaded. That's hard to do when you are convinced you are right, but giving your wife the opportunity to persuade you opens incredible doors by showing immense respect.

So true, so true. Part of the reason that my wife always told me that I make her feel stupid is because guess what? I DID! Who in their right mind would want to spend time with someone that would consistently make them feel stupid? I know I wouldn't and neither would my wife. If my wife asks me how something works I'd love to tell her, but providing unsolicited commentary on something she might say that I believe to be false in an effort to educate or belittle her is a big giant No No!

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD