I understand and I will try it. Dr H often says that the measurement of whether something is a DJ would be based on the feelings of the offended spouse? In this case that was me. I still think I need to be able to ascertain the difference between a DJ or SD, and that of a question with no underlying criticism. My wife has made it a point for as long as I can remember to point out flaws in my character. I have done this too to her, but for what I'm trying to accomplish I'd like to focus on me handling her verbalization's correctly. When she asked if I had returned something that she did not ask me to return I immediately felt attacked and painted into a corner that I could not possibly win from. If I respectfully disagree, she gets upset that I always take things the wrong way. If I take the high road then I believe this empowers her to do more of the same in the future which drains my love bank. I still say there is an element of truth serum that I don't do well with. If something isn't true then I feel compelled to point it out. If something isn't fair I do the same thing, especially with my kids. I guess I'm a very principled person and I'll let you guys guide me on the pitfalls of being this way, and when or how to pick and choose my battles.