Originally Posted by CWMI
When Dr. H is talking about changing behavior, I get that it is about actual behaviors, not information-seeking questions. Things like speeding in the car (rather than passengers trying to not be afraid), or banging the neighbor (rather than the BS trying not to let it bother them). Are you saying the solution is for her to not ask you questions? Of course she should stop being snotty (if she is being so), but her to stop the behavior of asking you for information is not a solution. Plus, she's not here.

No not saying that at all. She asks me questions all the time that are not snotty and I don't react to them at all, I just answer the question.

If she is indeed baiting you, stop taking the bait. Just ask her: are you looking for a fight, or are you looking for information? My H's own negativity became glaringly obvious once I stopped engaging in spats with him. Nobody wants to be the only crazy person in the room.

I don't know about you or my wife but I would think the Dr H approach would be to ask me to return the stuff to the store, not to ask if I had done it without asking me to do it. I think many people on this forum could see how that could be considered a criticism.

My H also wanted to avoid conflict. Problem was, he created most of it in his own head, then spewed out false information based on what he thought would avoid conflict, then we'd be in conflict over his lying, which he blamed me for because I had the nerve to ask him a question. CRAZY.

It's really crazy-making. Stop avoiding conflict. Conflict is inevitable, it is how you deal with it that matters. You attacked your wife and accused her of criticizing you because she had the nerve to ask a question that had a no answer? Really, Hill?

I'll get this mean what I say and say what I mean down better one day. In the mean time what I meant here is that I wanted to avoid love bank withdrawals. In this particular case I said, "I really wish that when you come home you could kiss me on the cheek or ask me how my day was rather than ask me if I returned something that you didn't ask me to return." She didn't like that I suppose because she rolled the eyes and made a face and told me I take everything the wrong way. Then I took the bait and sent one back the other way.

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD