Originally Posted By: markos
Originally Posted By: Hilltopper1972
Originally Posted By: SugarCane
I didn't read markos as suggesting you give a dishonest answer, hill. I read him to say

1. If you are willing to return the item, say so: "Would you like me to do that tonight?" - or something similar, suggesting a time when you could return it.

2. If you are not willing to return the item, also say so: "I'm really not comfortable doing it" was just a suggested form of words that says "I'm not going to do something I don't want to do" but isn't harsh and won't sound like "take a hike". It is nothing to do with dishonesty.


Dishonest to me is saying that I have a problem returning something when I do not have a problem returning something, particularly if I said "I'm not comfortable with that."


I only meant for you to say that if it was true that you don't want to do what she's asking about. The preferred response was the alternative I gave first: "No, I didn't. Would you like me to do that tonight?"

Quote:
My wife knows me and she knows I'm perfectly comfortable with return something to the store, why wouldn't I be?


I'm just trying to address more than this one specific scenario, since you will be in this situation many times.


No I get it. So my wife and I are years ahead of where we used to be where threats of divorce were a monthly occurrence. We get along pretty well for the most part which is why I put that my wife is "in like" with me. She says "I love you daily" so taking her at her word I'd say that she is in love with me. The reason I concluded "like" instead of love is because SF is still on "chore" status. She still drops her arms when I hug her. She still sometimes will push me away if I hug her too long. In addition our conversations are more about trivial things rather than anything deep.

She doesn't like to fight and neither do I. We love to go out to dinner and date night, but there is little or no affection during those times. She knows my most important EN's and asking her only gets an eye roll, almost as if it is a love buster. If I ask for a need to be met with complete sincerity and without demand or disrespect, it is met with antagonism. I feel like my wife is a good buddy that I hang out with, but we are not in a romantic relationship. I meet my wife needs financially and there were times in the past I did not. I meet her need of H&O where in the past I did not. I'm extremely affectionate, probably even more than she wants. Her questionnaire said SF is one of her top ENs but I would say by the current frequency levels it is not. I struggle with her need for conversation because it involves subjects that it is difficult for me to be excited about such as home improvement. I feel that she mostly wants to talk about stuff we can "buy" and to be honest I don't feel that we should spend more money on a house that we both decided is not a house we'll retire in.
We are awesome on recreation by running and exercising together. Despite all of these things I feel that our relationship is mostly shallow and that my wife wants to keep me at bay. Its a weird place to be but better than when we were fighting daily.


Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD