Is it possible that my wife loves me very much(because she tells me so), but that sexual fulfillment is absent due to other reasons? Is it possible that a spouse can cross the threshold of love yet still not have any need/desire for SF? The reason I ask is because wife and I are doing amazing and have been for quite some time. Our UA time is solid, we rarely have a "tif" and even if we do we recover within 5 minutes. I think my main source of emptiness is because of SF. My wife promises and then declines constantly and each time she does it makes me feel unwanted. Its kind of like this creature that I have been getting along with so well at a moments notice can come up with any number of reasons why we can't have sex and if she does agree, she'll act like it is a huge pain in the butt. This is a MASSIVE blow to our relationship and my concern is that she feels we are in a romantic relationship, whereas I certainly do not. I've often said that from the outside looking in my wife feels everything is just fine, and that I'm the one that is unhappy. Maybe this is why? I won't apologize for wanting my most important emotional need met and I don't think I need to. My wife punishes me over this need and I honestly don't think she sees it as a need at all. I have my vasectomy scheduled for after vacation which in all honestly will be the last "hurdle" we need to cross. She never uses the fear of pregnancy any more like she used to when it comes to the reason of not wanting to meet this need. It is more of a, "Oh, today was rough not tonight" or "Too tired", etc. I don't think I can be part of the 20% of happily married couples without sexual fulfillment, but I also think that I'm working towards a goal of a perfect marriage that will likely not lead more SF. This is exhausting.

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD