Originally Posted By: Hilltopper1972
This is the hard part about what I've been trying to figure out. She definitely lets me meet her needs so it is not that she won't kiss me, or hug her, or talk, or go have fun together. If she was in conflict she wouldn't usually allow me to meet those needs. When we were in conflict she wouldn't even allow me to help her do laundry but she does now.


Actually, that's a perfect description of Dr. Harley's state of conflict. In conflict, you are willing to have your needs met, but not willing to meet the other person's.

Withdrawal is the state where you are not willing to even have your own needs met.

How long has it been since your last demand, disrespectful judgment, or angry outburst? Wasn't it within the last week or so?

To me it still sounds like she is "in like" with you, not love. Does she doodle hearts? Call you unexpectedly at work just to talk? Stroke your arms, hug you, act affectionate? If she is not doing these things, she is not yet in love.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.