Originally Posted By: Hilltopper1972
[quote=markos] Last night when she let me down again I could see in her eyes that she felt awful. Despite that she is just not up to it, despite being up to a myriad of other activities and that just sucks from my perpespective.


I don't buy the "just not up to it".

For men and sometimes for women
desire -> arousal --> orgasm

for women often
arousal -> desire -> orgasm

In other words, women often need to start having sex before they have the desire for sex.

I think most women in mutually satisfying relationships often agree to sex when it's not something they are "up to" at the moment, but they know it's something their husband really needs. And usually, it ends up being really good for her too (if her husband is smart).

Not sure why your wife isn't willing to do that? That's why I'm thinking maybe it would be a good time for telephone coaching, or maybe chatting with Dr. Harley on his radio show.

And congratulations on remaining in the no lovebuster zone for so long! Keep it up!


50+ yo couple enjoying our empty nest.
Young adult kids out on their own.
"Enthusiastic agreement?" is our catch phrase.