Originally Posted By: CWMI

Meanwhile, be pleasant and meet ENs. IME, people who are willing to acknowledge an unwillingness to meet ENs get really freaked out by calm spouses, especially if they have a pattern of flipping out and DJing. And they start to think that perhaps, just perhaps, THEY'RE the problem.

Not being 'the problem' anymore worked wonders in my marriage. Try it!



Yup ... this is a great MB termed example of rolling with the punches!

It took darn near 4 months of not letting myself get dragged into her "tests" and keeping myself emotionally stable while meeting her needs and not expecting mine met to get her to reprogram herself. My wife constantly (probably unknowingly) used her anger and my fear of her emotional reaction to get what she wanted in an argument.... It no longer phases me and she tested me many times to get me to "bite" and help her escalate a petty argument into a family brawl. I refused. Over and over again. She could be mad all she wanted, say horrible things etc. I would not engage with her in that manner ... until she realized i was not changing and resorting back to my knee jerking reactions that she usually expected of me so she could use it against me later (or right then).

Once i stopped .. she eventually stopped. Of course I changed myself into a more fun, loving and roll with the punches attitude approach for her and shes loving it .. I like the new me ... as does she! (i wish she would post so she could back me up! on it lol).

Here's her thread tho!

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2545131&page=1

MNG