Originally Posted by CWMI
So if a person wants to keep their marriage...scheduling in time for sex needs to happen IF THAT IS THE ONLY WAY IT WILL HAPPEN.

This is exactly what Jennifer told us to do. In our case the problem was not emotional connection but my W's energy levels, so Jennifer told us to schedule SF for W's times of highest energy, and for her to plan her energy usage accordingly.

We used to have the problem of her burning herself up doing gardening or house cleaning all day and having nothing left for me at night. Now as a SAHM with 3 small kids it's more difficult, but I have some flexibility in my job and can take a morning during the week when the kids are at camp/preschool, and another night on the weekend when she's had an "easy day" and has some energy left when the kids are in bed.

I would much prefer spontaneity, but we came to realize that if it wasn't scheduled and planned for it wasn't going to happen. I don't have to initiate and be rejected again, she doesn't have to feel like the 'bad guy' for rejecting me...both win.

Hill mentioned a day that his W had promised SF that night but went to the gym for what sounded like a draining workout. That triggered me to thinking about energy levels.

Me - 44
DW - 39
Married 16 years