Originally Posted By: Zhamila
Originally Posted By: Hilltopper1972
See that's the thing. We have a fabulous time on date night, holding hands, a few kisses. Each time I think I'm home free. I don't beg, I act as if it's no big deal to me, but it never turns out that way. I've never seen a girl go from flirtatious to "you get nothing" so easily as if it's no big deal.


First, I commend you for working so hard. It's not easy doing the right thing - especially when you don't see results right away.

You said you think you're "home free." This concerns me, because it sounds like a man who is doing all this stuff just to get sex. I don't know too many women who are attracted to men who do things just to get in their pants. Perhaps I'm misinterpreting your quote, but if this is your motive in "having a fabulous time" she will pick up on it, and shut down.

Right now you're trying to date your wife again...get her to fall in love with you. I doubt you expected to "get some" after your first date with her. It's only been 8 days since your last DJ...she's still trying to decide whether she can trust you, or let you in again emotionally. From her perspective, it's only been a week...and maybe she's just worried, waiting for the next DJ. It will take time and consistent caring behavior to convince her that you are for real.

I know, I know...she's your wife! Husbands and wives are "supposed" to have sex, right? But she is asking herself: "Does he care for me? The way he promised on our wedding day? Or does he just want me to care for him?"

One more thing. You said, "We have a fabulous time on date night..." Perhaps you have a good time. You might want to ask her how SHE feels about your time together. Not only will she feel cared for by your asking, she will definitely feel cared for when you listen and respond by doing things that ensure that she has a fabulous time.

You are getting stronger every day, becoming more the person you are meant to be. Her unwillingness is actually your stepping stone to becoming more patient, more caring: more the husband she wants and needs.


I totally see what you are saying. I've complained to her about the no sex thing for a long time so even when I don't complain its kind of already "out there" so to speak. We do have a fabulous time, that is not speculation because she'll tell me so.


Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD