Originally Posted by CWMI
I agree with MNG, be prepared, and keep your cool.

Or GET a cool to keep, lol. Borrow one if you have to.

Have you read any of the stuff about push-back, change-back behavior? With a reluctant spouse, they are often reluctant because the way things are WORK for them. They shouldn't have to do anything different, and sure don't appreciate you doing anything different (like expecting care from them). So, during the change-over to a mutually satisfying and beneficial marriage, they will scream (you can safely ignore this). Eventually, with *consistent application* of MB concepts, they will see how it creates something better than what they had and thought they wanted.

However, going from A to B is not a short trip through candyland. There's no puppies or rainbows. It's more like hellfire and dragons. BE PREPARED, and be cool, calm, and collected. Eye on the prize and all that.

Geez this resonates like an orchestra! I had to read and re-read it again to make sure I got it. For whatever reason my wife isn't interested in a mutually beneficial relationship with feelings of love. It's not that she is opposed to love, its that she might have a different view on what a marriage is supposed to be than I do. She viewed a non-mutually beneficial marriage of her parents her entire life whereas I viewed a marriage that is very mutually beneficial in my parents. She learned over time that she does not have a mutually beneficial relationship with her mother and in fact we both started recognizing non-mutually beneficial relationships with certain friends that we agreed not to continue.

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD