Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
That is a skill I have not mastered but am working on daily. My wife escalates things even if I respectfully react to something such as a DJ. In other words in her world I shouldn't react to anything, I should just take it in and not complain in any way, respectfully or disrespectfully. To her speaking to me rudely shouldn't matter.

It takes two to fight.

Remember that.

The single most effective method I used to remove fights due to escalations in my house was to stop engaging in them. Sure, my H ended up yelling all by himself several times, and eventually he quit because BELIEVE ME: nobody wants to be the only crazy nasty person in the room.

If she says something rude, try responding with, "Thanks!" or "Ouch!" instead of your method of educating her on what she did wrong. Or set a boundary. "I will not talk with you when you use that tone."

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)