When I was fortunate to speak with Dr H he zeroed in on our issue immediately which is spending time together. He seemed to think that if we spent our UA time that everything else would fall in place. My wife is down, so am I, so that's what we are gonna do. Stewing, frustrations, and DJ's occur when I'm feeling neglected by my wife which is a result of not spending time together. So is sex. So is my wife not feeling connected.

During this time we'll get to duplicate what we do on Friday nights which is awesome. The fact that my wife agreed to do this is amazing. I thought she'd reject it, but I think deep down she knows that this is the only way out of this pattern.

I think that early in our marriage my wife was crying out to me to meet her needs and not neglect her, but neglect her is what I did, so she settled and made due by finding lots of girl friends and hobbies and went on with her life. So now I come back and realize I have a bad marriage and want to flip the switch tomorrow, start having my wife be "into" me, and have sex all the time. I wouldn't want to do it either. She'll come around though when she spends consecutive and consistent hours with me. It's just like running. You have to put in the mileage if you want to get better, there is NO other way to get there. Marriage is no different. We've been spending 3 hours a week training for a great marriage, yet we expect to show up on race day(which is every day) and run a fast time.

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD