Originally Posted By: KeepLearning
I have a question for students of Buyers, Renters & Freeloaders.

In the chapter "We All Have Split Personalities," Dr. Harley describes the pros and cons of the Giver and Taker in each of us.

In the two sections "The Buyer's and Freeloader's Agreements Resist Sacrifice" and "The Renter's Agreement Inspires Arguments and Fights," he goes on to say that Freeloaders and Buyers keep their Givers and Takers in check, but Renters do not, and this allows sacrifice into the relationship, which is ultimately destructive.

When I read those sections, it seemed to me that the Renter's agreement should be avoided.

But now that I'm re-reading the book and analyzing it, I found this in an earlier chapter describing the Renter's agreement (from the chapter "I'll Do Anything to Make You Happy...for a While"):

Quote:
I regard the Renter's agreement as an essential stage in the development of any romantic relationship.

If the Renter's agreement allows sacrifice, which is known to be destructive to a relationship, why is it essential?


Dating is renting. Trying the relationship on for size/fit, while not partaking in relationship negations per se. Taking the relationship for a test-drive, if you will.
Which is why living together while dating can be so confusing and probably mis-guided.
Often, in this modern world, dating couples move in together as "the next step". Meaning, I presume, a step towards marriage.
But, there's a catch. (as usual)

Dating while living together = rental agreement becomes the relationship standard.

Does this make sense?

Also, it was asked...

Quote:
Would also be in plan a as well?


Plan A is a time-limited provisional arrangement where the Plan A person attempts to make love bank deposits while not having his/her own needs met as they ought to be met. It is a tactical decision, NOT a bad habit that the couple adopts.

See the difference?

Also, Plan A includes the "stick" elements, which are definitely not passive sacrifice/appeasement during an adulterous time of the marriage. The key words are TIME-LIMITED and TACTICAL DECISION.

Nice to get an email notice there is activity on this thread. grin

Last edited by Pepperband; 09/19/12 12:01 PM.