Originally Posted By: KeepLearning

Armed with the knowledge of what you wrote, and knowing that staying in a Renter's agreement too long is dangerous, do you think one could simply bypass the Renter phase and go straight from Freeloader to Buyer?

I presume Dr. Harley would say no because he says the Renter's agreement is an essential step in the development of a romantic relationship. What is so essential about it?


I can think of a situation where you would go from Freeloader to Buyer. You would do this in a formal arranged marriage, where there is almost no contact beforehand. Interestingly, even in a more relaxed kind of arranged marriage where there is contact between the young people, the time between arrangement and marriage is kept short. I have never really thought about this in MB terms before but of course it prevents the renter's mindset becoming ingrained.

But in an arranged marriage, the essential compatibilities have already been determined by the parents of the newly weds. In our western culture we are expected to do this ourselves and that is why we spend time (too much time usually) as renters.

The other reason for having a renter's agreement is to get in the habit of radical honesty and negotiation over everyday little things (like where to have dinner) so that the habits are already in place before the marriage.


3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)