Thanks for the welcome, and for responding. Yeah it's definitely hard to hear and try to accept that could be the case. As I want to believe I was just being jealous, and I need to respect her own judgement on what she feels is right. But totally see how my behavior pushed her into a situation to cheat when it wouldn't of happened had I met her emotional needs instead of pushing her away.
Asking your wife to not engage in reckless behavior cannot push her into a situation to cheat. A person will obviously not cheat against her will. Your wife is engaging in marriage wrecking behavior and you have good reason to be jealous. Jealousy is a natural reaction to a threat to marriage. For example, if she ran out in the road in front of cars, wouldn't you naturally be concerned for her life? It is the same with your wife's poor boundaries around men. You can see the threat and she doesn't.
You don't have thee power to "push" your wife to cheat. If your wife uses that as an excuse, that is all it is. A committed marriage person would lose the opposite sex friendships and take steps to do anything to avoid her spouse's unhappiness.
as I said its ok to have male friends, and if she's in withdrawal from me, I need to be positive to her and not negative. She is keeping it private though. Changed all her passwords bc I am a"stalker" she says and since she is overseas, she probably talks to them via text or face to face hangouts at a ratio of about 60% them 40% me, if not worse than that.
I am sorry to say that you probably don't have a future with this woman. First off, you can't sustain a marriage with someone you don't live with and secondly, it is clear she puts her male friends and her secret second life before you. Can you imagine having a mortgage and 3 little kids with a woman who behaved like this? It would be a nightmare.
