Thanks again for taking the time with all the responses.

The reason I question doing the nuclear option as MelodyLane explains in Exposure 101 is that ML is describing a situation in which a spouse *is* having an affair (quoting her signature line). This would have been great advice 2 months ago when I discovered it.

But now, my situation is that my wife *had* an affair. It ended. I ended it by confronting the OM in a text from her phone and confronting her in person with pics of all the text messages in which she was sexting and mentioned the hook-up in her own words. It ended. I have no reason to think it has gone underground. The OM was not happy with her. I ruined it for them.

I do agree the reason a WS seeks another person is that they feel they're not getting their needs met in their marriage. And my wife is still in that position. In fact, she does not want me to even try to meet her needs. She's told me that. So even though she is not currently in an affair, she is not getting her needs met in our marriage. I'm fighting for our marriage, but she is doing nothing in return. I think she is waiting for our son to leave for college in September, and then she'll move out.

That's why I'm asking for advice. I think it may be best to serve her divorce papers sooner than September. She cheated on me. She has shown no interest in having her needs met in our marriage (before or after the affair). I feel like I'm fooling myself to think she's going to come to her senses and decide not to throw away our marriage. It's a lost cause unless she decides to rebuild our marriage. I'm willing to do so, but it takes two to rebuild a marriage, not just one. And she has given no hint that she's interested.