Originally Posted by anonymityplease
I understand why everyone says to expose an ongoing affair. I completely understand that and agree with it.

But in my situation since the affair is over, I would feel foolish to suddenly announce publicly to our families, to our friends, to our church, to everyone: "My wife had an affair 2 months ago. It's over, but I just want everyone to know what she did." How is that therapeutic?

When I found Marriage Builders my (now ex) husband had already dumped the OW months earlier. At that time exposure was recommended for on-going affairs so I did not expose other than to my children and immediate family. I still regret that decision 10 years later.

1. The OW reappeared months later (they always do). So there was a second round of discovery. Sadly my teenage son had to witness that.

2. XH was able to spin his version of the divorce and told family and friends that I 'abandoned the family'.

3. Had we found a way to avoid divorce, he would have inevitably had another affair because there were no negative consequences to his behaviour.

Originally Posted by anonymityplease
The main problem with our marriage is still the same now as it was before the affair, she is done with me and does not want me to meet her needs. To quote her, "I want a buddy, not a husband." In other words, she doesn't mind if I go biking or hiking with her, but she doesn't want to share a normal married relationship with me.

The fact that your wife is behaving like this strongly indicates that the affair is not over. This is not the normal behaviour of a wife in a situation where her husband is trying to win her back. Active conflict yes, passive rejection no. You need to be Sherlock Holmes my friend.

3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)