The main problem with our marriage is still the same now as it was before the affair, she is done with me and does not want me to meet her needs. To quote her, "I want a buddy, not a husband." In other words, she doesn't mind if I go biking or hiking with her, but she doesn't want to share a normal married relationship with me.
You need to accept the fact that the A is still going on, you may not have caught them yet, but your WW is still in love with OM, exposure gives that fantasy world a strong dose of reality.
Like arrba posted, I too had a very similar situation and mine played out exactly like the folks here say it ALWAYS does. Before I found MB, I confronted WW with the affair, and confronted OM and told him to stay away (thinking he would cause he was a close friend). All that did was make things go underground. Meanwhile, WW then put every thing on me, as she re-wrote history to justify the affair, sending me into a deep anxious depression. 1 month later I confirmed the affair was even stronger and had hard evidence, AGAIN I confronted WW and OM, did a mini-exposure to OM wife, and family. EVEN that wasn't enough, 2 weeks later I caught WW at OM house, then did full exposure. It wasn't until full exposure that WW finally started to snap out of it. Sure she resented me for months, and actually still does, we are barely on the road to recovery, BUT the affair is dead. Now the only options for WW are to fix the marriage or leave for the unknown, there is no other option with OM at this time.
Listen to the folks here, I'd be willing to bet money that your wife is still contacting OM.
