She has told you a number of very valuable things. Some of them are rather shocking to me, because it appears that you don't have a problem doing things that are repulsive to her (" there's the time when you smell terrible, and I feel like you can care less"). If that's true (that you can care less about personal hygiene or anything else on her list), what kind of message do you think that has been sending to her all these years? Do you think it's a message of love? But isn't love the message that you want to send?

Do you want her just to stay with you and not break up the marriage, or do you want her to be in love with you? If the latter, what are you going to do to achieve that state?

Rather than asking for us to walk you through her answers, why don't you work them through and tell us what you intend to do, today, about her desires. You have long struck me as being a bit lazy, coming here to be told what to do (and in fact not coming here nearly often enough) when you have the same access to materials, including your old thread, that we do, and should have read enough, and listened to the radio show enough by now, to know what actions produce positive results.

Start with the first thing on the list.

"- Help with problems, courtesies, planning
I need a lot of help around the house and planning events that work around my schedule. Be understanding of my time and space."

What specifically can you do here?

I note that she mentions help round the house both here and when talking about household maintenance. It's obviously very important to her and she feels let down by your lack of care about how exhausted she is. I'm sure that this questionnaire isn't the first time that you've heard this from her. Why has this been going on so long during your marriage, and what can you do about it today?


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.