I feel so stupid, how could I not be skeptical.. For years it was ‘not tonight, I have x issue’. Sex was usually when ovulation is occurring and maybe one other time a month. Some to most of those times would have had to have been she was just not interested.
Every year or so I make sure all family pictures of all of our devices are backed up in our in house cloud. Upon dumping all pictures and video of my wife’s old phone I was horrified to see sexually explicit pictures and video taken of her, the video would have been impossible for her to take herself. Based on the date(s) the pictures are taken, I have narrowed it down to one man that was in her messenger. The conversation never elevated above seeing if he was coming down the bar she visits on weekends. We all know she can delete any part of the conversation she chooses. I am convinced he is the guy that took those videos, although he is not in any of them. All dates are over a year old, so I would most likely say the affair is dead. From what I recall during that time she isn’t manicuring herself even close to what she was then. I thought she was doing all that for me.. Working out, buying new clothes, rarely two days passed and she had shaved legs again.
Found the pictures just days ago. Absolutely crushed. It comes in waves, where I forget about it a bit and it comes rushing back. Sleep and appetite have been an issue. We’ve been married over 12 years and have 3 children. All living in the house still. I look at her and just can’t believe it. I want to confront her about this, but she might not confirm who I suspect even when pressed. I have read up on exposure, and I want to put that plan in play but I am wondering if things change at all when the affair is dead? Could others here have any suggestions on how I could proceed with this. One big thing to note here, from our recent conversations it sounds like she is really struggling mentally with her own value. Depression, Fear, Anxiety are playing a role here. She has always battled these issues but it seems to be peaking lately. In contrast at the time of the affair she seemed the happiest shes been some time. She has recently talked about getting professional help for it when for the longest time she was against psychiatrists. How should exposure be handled when these types of things are in play?
I am a good father to my children and a good husband. I am always there to listen, help out with the housework, the kids homework..etc. I tell her what she means to me, but if there was something I could work on to do more of that would be it. There has been times in our marriage where I best describe it as ‘living in numb’ where we kind of get robotic into the day to day. That doesn’t give her the right to cheat though! She single handedly destroyed this family, and now I have to do what I can to pick up pieces.
I want to save my marriage. I still love her but I don’t want to deal with this again. Honestly, I don’t want to deal with it now but I have to. Do I have the needed evidence to confront her on the affair? As I mentioned earlier, I believe I know who the other man is, but I have no real proof that he was the one holding the camera. He was in her Facebook Messenger but the content in there was not really suggestive. Could a private investigator help with this? Not sure how long I can hold out before I have to say something about this. Can I simply just confront her with the evidence? Is exposure only good if the spouse doesn’t know before you do it, or should it be done after confrontation? What about exposure that would not include the man of the affair or his friends and family? Would appreciate hearing whatever advice there is to offer as I really don’t know how I want to deal with this.