Some say love is a "decision", if so than so is trust. On the other hand harley says no should trust 100%, actually I don't think anyone does or lies would never be disbelieved and secrets found out. It seems natural (and healthy) to fear relationships, not so much because trust is required, but because you have to let yourself be vulnerable, that is the opposite of control, and decidedly not normal. Our emotions tell us not to trust (yet we also "want" intimacy). Our cognitive sides tell us we want a relationship (and see the value in same), and one realizes that requires trust and vulnerability. This sets up an internal conflict and anxiety, which if not recognized and understood, impacts our ability to be a "worthy" partner (as well as anyone we seek, if they have the same unresolved internal conflict). I think that is why there is a pethora of self-help books about what healthy people look like, and what healthy relationships look like. By using your brain AND your heart the likelihood of a relationship worthy of giving trust (ie being vulnerable) is greatly increased.

But ultimately one has to make a leap of faith, take the risk of being hurt, that is the price of not going it (life) alone. Trusting yourself to survive if your trust in someone else (or yourself for that matter) is misplaced. Those who try to hedge their bets, exercise control in the form of somehow getting a gaurantee (like vows, other promises, pre-nuptial agreements, etc.) will never find the real intimacy of a trust (vulnerable) relationship, or the benefits therein. Although they may successfully create a pragmatic type relationship, which may be satisfying enough, that is a personal life choice, and is dependent on ones ability to take emotional risk.